Australian Dream.

From Alice Springs to Los Angeles.

Happy New Year!
New for sure with all that it means. A change in one's life. Happy,not really sure...
How can someone ruin someone else's day?
Pierre knows it for sure, and you too, my dear Scorpio.
I am standing at the crossing of paths.
I have rushed head first into a new relationship.
I regretted it as if I was cheating on you two. The b... fool I am even sent you a mail two days ago to let you know about it, for that Jesse is upsetting me.
I was in despair and still am.
You were nice on New Year's Day playing songs just for me and I could hear my name called more than once. You were adding some nice words too, but you never wished me a Happy New Year. You neither shouted Happy Birthday to me last November. Same as in 2005.
I feel rotten for I know Denise got her present nearly two weeks ago and she hurried thanking me. You should have got yours then. Same as Dan.
Usually, Dan would say thank you even twice or thrice, by means of an email and on the mike.
Well, he ,too, is silent this time.
It seems to me he has broken with his Mary. He no longer mention her, but, worse, he always plays a sad song as the last for the party: "Oh, lover, lover, why you do you treat me no good no more".
He even sings along with the song while drunk.
As for you, what could I say?
I went high again after this new day of 2007. I thought this Clare was wrong wanting to change your looks. You insisted so much on her not living with you and wanted to be sure I knew where Tennant Creek is.
It took us six hours to get to Alice Springs from there.
Well, we had a stop at Aileron for breakfast. But even so, it is not that close to the Alice and as I know now that you work at the casino when not working at Bo's, do you meet as often as you would too.
A blonde ? You have a crush for blondes then? I don't care...
If I feel so lousy these days, it is not entirely your fault.
The connection has been a complete failure since the beginning of the year. I can't hear what you say and I could have missed an oral message. Cheating on me perhaps !
You played a few songs dear to me as you know it.
"From Paris to Berlin" seems to have become our new anthem as it once was., along with "Love Generation". You even wear a scruffy beard and longer hair anew. If Clare could see that, she would not approve !!!
You told me you had a cold and appreciated my little piece of advice: lemon,honey, rum...
You said you were wondering what I was under telling about rum.
Well, in short, you were nice to me these last days, and it is the bad connection that made me feel lousy. I always suspected I had missed something important.
But, I can't be satisfied anymore. Satisfied, such a weak word to express how I feel !
I keep expecting you answering my numerous questions and hopes from your home and be part of your private life anew. In a sense I am, when you tell me about your new girlfriend on the phone. Don't expect me to phone each day if I want to get an answer from you.
You can say something when you get a Xmas present! I can watch a black square thing behind the screen. I have even asked you if it was not the box with the two CDs. No answer.
If you have got them, you are not wearing the bracelet.
This was something a bit intimate and I sent it as a test. The poor fool didn't know you had somebody new into your life.
In despair, I said to myself I had to find new friends to talk to on the web: people down in Australia I could share my experience with.
A lady from Bendigo got in touch with me. She is a big fat lady without the love of a man, for sure.
And, now, Jesse, you've come into my life and you are scaring me at times.
That's why I wanted to tell you about him, my Scruffy Beard.
If you don't read my mails as you said once, well, no worries for me. Funny, the connection was much better yesterday and I could listen to "Unfaithful" on the radio.
You stopped playing it ages ago. I had to get the words right to understand why I should not request that song any longer. A coincidence again ?
Well, Jesse contacted me on the web, or rather I picked up his email as he answered the question I had asked in this forum on Yahoo7.
This man has big problems of his own. He is a bit confused and high on sex matters.
He is raising his two kids alone and I guess it is not easy for him. An ex-GI who did the first war in Irak, he now works at LA airport on the security crew.
He left his ex-girlfriend for she was rebuking his sexual advances. Faithful to her, he says he was.
But he wrote on the forum he is sexually aroused more than four times a day and that the girl couldn't stand it any more. He said he even went to a doctor who said there was nothing wrong with it.
He says he misses the presence of a woman and that he would like to be loved for what he is. Who would not...
He scared me calling me his love. Hypnotized by my talks he would close his eyes and invision what I tell him.He would listened to me for hours with his love and affection.
He said I don't have to worry for he knew I am prettier than Clare. He knows it by the way I express myself.I am his beautiful,intellectual and sexy friend. He is happy having me as his friend and told his kids about me. I am not telling Pierre too much about him.
But he scared me again when he said he would like to bathe naked into the sea with me, his kids watching.
Apart from all the sweet things he says to me each day, I can help thinking he has big sexual problems.
He has not heard from his ex for years. He says she couldn't stand the burden of being a mother and wanted her freedom back. He is 36 and she,34.
At times, I think I should fly away from this relationship, but I need him so much when he says sweet words to me. He says I am perfect, stroking my poor ego. He keeps thanking me for what I say to him.What a change from you !
Acording to him, you are a lucky man and you are blowing off steam.You are not the only one. What should I say about my own husband ?
The latter left me in tears this morning.
When Bo's closes, Jesse arrives at work in LA and starts emailing me doing it as working.
That reminds me of happier days. Will I ever recover from the pain I feel now ? Tears are running on my face again.
I will keep on pretending later on not to scare you. I will play the regular listener,hoping the connection will allow me hearing if you say something for me on playing my requests, disappointed more than once, may be...
Jesse will try to soothe me. He doesn't mind my talking about you as long as I am with him on the web. I sent him a long mail he will get on resuming work. I told him about my bad experience this morning and my very poor unhappy sexual life. I have to tell someone to relieve the burden from my heart.
Finally we are two poor souls craving for love.
Now I fly to California after leaving Australia.