Australian Dream.

My Wedding Anniversary.

Today is my 31th wedding anniversary.
My day is ruined and I am left in tears.
I needed a bit of cuddling and more on that special day and nothing happened. Worse my husband left me as I was deperately trying to reach an orgasm all by myself, as usual, he hardly touching one of my breasts. As usual, he wouldn't move an inch towards me and try some kissing, licking or stroking to help me. In the middle of it he jumped out of bed saying coffee was ready for brealfast.
Bloody well it was ! I had made it myself telling him that would allow us more time in bed together.
I was left in bed starting to shake and broke into tears.
Worse he said he had made efforts lately, for to have intercourse with me requires efforts, and said I was not normal wanting to have orgasms so often, let's say once a week.
it has been like this since we got married. No sex on the wedding night, nor the day after and the others... Too old at 38 to have sex. I should have married a younger man. I was a pretty sexy chick of 27 by then. I have been bearing this misery inside me since that day 31 years agoNot easy to tell friends, nor family.
My mother was glad on seeing I was unhappy and she wanted me to stick to my husband not ready to help me get out of wedlock.
The circumstances in life had me have to stick to that man just for the sake of a living.
I have been well treated as far as the standard in life is concerned and many lady friends are jealous of my clothes , jewels and travels.
Of course, it is the money that heps me bear this sexual misery.
Without it I would never have been to Australia twice, and I would not be on the web with you Marty. I need it too if I ever want to be back there one more time and get the chance to be into your arms one of these days.
I won't tell you it is my wedding anniversary today. I don't want to remind you of my age.
I won't tell you either of my deep sufferings today. I am not sure you would understand nor that you would like to indulge into this kind of talks. I will just expect you to be nice to me hoping you love me still if you ever have.
I wrote so many lines to Jesse instead. I don't mind speaking freely of sex to him.
That has allowed me to explain to him I would not mind indulging in sexual intercourse with him the way he suggested to me last week. I actually was not shocked by what he said. It just aroused me sexually and gave me pain for all I am missing.
I just don't want to indulge into these talks for him to get aroused at work and be a puppet in his hands. Jesse has a strong sexual drive and I would like my husband doing these sexual tricks to me to satisfy me, if he doesn't have an erection. But that he doesn't grasp at all into his head.
Giving kissing, licking , stroking to a woman doesn't cross his mind.He cannot feel there could be some pleasure for him doing that. Selfishness may be . Laziness. I don't know.
All I know is that I have been living in deep misery for 31 years.
Today is my wedding anniversary and my heart goes from one side of the planet to other in search of a bit of love that never comes to me. My husband saying he was making efforts to have sexual intercourse with me lately worsens the situation. If you feel love for someone how can it require efforts to have sex with your mate ?
This I can't truely understand.
It is my wedding anniversary today and I am in tatters.