Australian Dream.

Lost between two continents.

Oh, what's happening with you two boys !
Jesse stopped calling me sweet names after apologizing for his sexual chat I told him I was scared of. I must admit it is on better grounds like this, much sounder, but I secretely enjoyed them even ashamed of my compliance. Marty, you would never dare speak this way to me because you are a more respectful one. You would rather play love songs to me to let me know how you feel.
But these days I feel like you are both flying away from me. I could not help telling Marty how I do miss our little chats together hopiong you enjoyed these delightful moments long gone by now.
Of course, I added I won't get any answer from you at present, things being as they are now.
The question that I need most to get the answer to is the following: did I mean much to you these days and am I still meaning much to you, much more than a regular listener ?
I fear I will never get it and I feel lousy.
Is the only way to get on a plane and rush to you in the Alice ?
I hate you for not letting me know !
Jesse said the next time he would have a day off he would let me know for me not worrying.
Yesterday I got no e-mail from him and he was not going to the site of Answers and Questions.
It might mean he was not at work.
But this one just answer me politely not telling me more about his everyday life in LA.
he did me the honor though to let me know about his past, his "pitiful past" as he called it.
Funny, Marty, you played "Hotel California" tonight after closing time.
You did not seem happy to have me on the phone ealier. I had got a letter from the French post-office saying they would track the parcel and I wanted to know if you had got it.
You had not and joked nobody knows where you live save at Bo's. You said again I should send further things to Bo's, but added I had not to send you anything more.
I replied I just wanted to please you and you said I should just ask you for music requests as other people do and that you will be pleased that way.
Did you mean you don't want me to have that special relationship with you as I carry on with.
Just a regular listener asking for music requests. If so I have got the answer to my question.
Anyway, I can't still resolve to that. You can't have wiped off so many close moments of friendship and I dare say love.
You keep on playing meaningful songs for me and no other: "Chasing Cars" these days.
I thought you were,may be, jealous again, for when I thought you were spending the week-end with Clare ( having shaved clean cut) I told you about Jesse in California.
It had happened many a time before you being kind of nasty because you were jealous.
I am stupid at times to let you know about other boys, just because I feel jealousy gnawing me inside.
I thought afterwards that you had that day off in order to watch the final at the Open in Melbourne. In fact, you didn't, working elsewhere. Well, you just shaved may be because it was a special party last Friday for Australia Day... It is so hard to know from here !
Jesse must be at work by now and I will get his first e-mail. May be...
I am still surfing on the web from one continent to the otherhoping not getting drown in the middle !!!

Australian Dream.

My Wedding Anniversary.

Today is my 31th wedding anniversary.
My day is ruined and I am left in tears.
I needed a bit of cuddling and more on that special day and nothing happened. Worse my husband left me as I was deperately trying to reach an orgasm all by myself, as usual, he hardly touching one of my breasts. As usual, he wouldn't move an inch towards me and try some kissing, licking or stroking to help me. In the middle of it he jumped out of bed saying coffee was ready for brealfast.
Bloody well it was ! I had made it myself telling him that would allow us more time in bed together.
I was left in bed starting to shake and broke into tears.
Worse he said he had made efforts lately, for to have intercourse with me requires efforts, and said I was not normal wanting to have orgasms so often, let's say once a week.
it has been like this since we got married. No sex on the wedding night, nor the day after and the others... Too old at 38 to have sex. I should have married a younger man. I was a pretty sexy chick of 27 by then. I have been bearing this misery inside me since that day 31 years agoNot easy to tell friends, nor family.
My mother was glad on seeing I was unhappy and she wanted me to stick to my husband not ready to help me get out of wedlock.
The circumstances in life had me have to stick to that man just for the sake of a living.
I have been well treated as far as the standard in life is concerned and many lady friends are jealous of my clothes , jewels and travels.
Of course, it is the money that heps me bear this sexual misery.
Without it I would never have been to Australia twice, and I would not be on the web with you Marty. I need it too if I ever want to be back there one more time and get the chance to be into your arms one of these days.
I won't tell you it is my wedding anniversary today. I don't want to remind you of my age.
I won't tell you either of my deep sufferings today. I am not sure you would understand nor that you would like to indulge into this kind of talks. I will just expect you to be nice to me hoping you love me still if you ever have.
I wrote so many lines to Jesse instead. I don't mind speaking freely of sex to him.
That has allowed me to explain to him I would not mind indulging in sexual intercourse with him the way he suggested to me last week. I actually was not shocked by what he said. It just aroused me sexually and gave me pain for all I am missing.
I just don't want to indulge into these talks for him to get aroused at work and be a puppet in his hands. Jesse has a strong sexual drive and I would like my husband doing these sexual tricks to me to satisfy me, if he doesn't have an erection. But that he doesn't grasp at all into his head.
Giving kissing, licking , stroking to a woman doesn't cross his mind.He cannot feel there could be some pleasure for him doing that. Selfishness may be . Laziness. I don't know.
All I know is that I have been living in deep misery for 31 years.
Today is my wedding anniversary and my heart goes from one side of the planet to other in search of a bit of love that never comes to me. My husband saying he was making efforts to have sexual intercourse with me lately worsens the situation. If you feel love for someone how can it require efforts to have sex with your mate ?
This I can't truely understand.
It is my wedding anniversary today and I am in tatters.

Australian Dream.

Back to Alice Springs.

Scruffy beard, longer hair, so you're back to me in full !
You did someting last night at Bo's you had not done or months: on leaving you turned your back and stared for a rew seconds at the camera as if saying good-bye to me as you did long ago.
I remember the days we were still chatting and on leaving you would the same and even did as if you wanted to catch my hand to wish me good-bye. I loved it so much, we were so close during that time...
Of course, you mentioned me more than once and played so many love songs just for me and I felt great. I regretted so much having met Jesse and wanted to be all yours again.
Thinking of the Alice and viewing the place in my mind made me nearly cry: the Bojangles, the Todd Mall, Undoolya Road, the lane to the Telegraph Sation with the kangaroos following us,...
How I miss all that !
As I told Jesse I can fancy you in your life there for I have already been twice in Alice Springs. easy for me to imagine you on your way back home each time you leave the Bojangles.
I can do the same with the latter. I don't know LA, have got no idea what he looks like and despite my asking he doesn't seem willing me to know. He is always focused on sexual matters scaring me each time.
Though on a Monday morning for him, I expected him sending a first email on resuming work.
He should have read my mails sent during the week-end.
Nothing at the usual hour.
I waited anxiously for two hours before deciding to send one.
I even checked if he was not visiting the site of Answers and Questions as he usually do after we part. But no, not this time as on last Friday.
Then I discovered I had no access available to my mail box. I tried and tried again in vain till 11pm.
I was worried for I thought Jesse had sent me emails of his own and was wondering why I was not replying.
When I finally found out I had 16 mails in waiting to be read, I started checking them all to discover there was none from him.
At first I thought he may have had a day off, just as on Monday last week.
I sent one email to him explaining the problem and saying I was sorry.
He replied at once saying he was apologizing for what he said on the previous Friday scaring me again.
I replied trying to be casual and that I understood his loneliness for giving him.
He replied willing to know if I had got his apologies.
I repeated what I had said before, that I am not used to these kind of talks but understood his sufferings being without a woman for years. I told him I wanted to get to know more about his own life to get to know him better.
He then asked me if I wanted to have more or these talks, or else to tell him for there would never be any. I didn't answer straight to his question just asking if it was the only thing he was interested in as far as I was concerned. I told him it was late and that my husband being in bed already I wouldn't be able to wait for too long for his answer.
I waited in vain arising my husband's suspicion anew.
I then decided to go to bed and sleep.
This morning I got a mail from Jesse. No "love" or "dearest", just Mary.
He says he was very busy yesterday and didn't have to reply quickly, adding that strange sentence "things are dying down now".
He wishes my leg has healed allowing me to win in today competition as I had told him I had tested it and wouldn't be able to play today. Full stop.
I checked: he resumed answering questions linked to sex, especially that one concerning "tea-bagging" (quite hot stuff)
If I understand things right, he was leading me into that kind of chats and, seeing it doesn't work, wants to put an end to the relationship.
I forgot I asked him if he had not had such a relationship previously with another lady on the web. It may have crossed him.
Or he is sincere and is crossed at my not trusting him.
I will have to wait till 6pm to get the clue.
Dan at Bo's today. I will connect myself to the site, back to Alice Springs again !

Australian Dream.

Suspicious Minds.

Oh, how confused I can be today.
Marty was as before earlier. He played "Chasing Cars" for me though I had not requested it. The words are so full of meaning. He called me Poor Mary on acknowledging the defeat ot the French tennis players in Melbourne. He played more of my favorite, even " Nothing Else Matters" saying it was one of his favorite too.
Well, I loved his scruffy beard and his hair a bit longer.
I told him he was in a loving mood. "In Love Again" seemed to suit the latter also. And he stayed at Bo's playing other more love songs.
As usual he waited for my last mail wishing him a good night before switching off his computer.
I love him so much when he acts this way !
Why have you kidded me with the story of this new girlfriend ?
I guess I was the only one to believe in it, but you behaved so nasty during these days !
If you had carried on e-mailing me in one way or the other, if you had not told me about Clare as she was living so far away from you, I would never had found out Jesse.
Pierre was suspicious about Jesse during lunch. He told me that that man should have fantasms about me living without a woman for so long. I refrained from blushing.
We spoke of travels and if he seemed willing to go back to Australia he started a row when I spoke of LA.He agrees to go back to Australia but in the frame of the association of Sister Cities.
That trip should happen in March 2007 if it ever does and I don't want to wait for so long.
I fear Marty might have left Bo's by then, and I am not he would carry on with this relationshoip of ours if so.
He could still find out a new girlfriend for good this time !
I did something I should have done before.
I checked into Jesse's first two questions on his joining the site .
He says he is a happily married man and speaks of his sexual appetite which his wife can't stand anymore. He says he eveb had to go and see a doctor for it.
In his second question he says he is married but attracted to another woman.
That had surprised me before, but I put it aside trusting his new story, his being on his own for ower 7 years and raising his kids alone.
Amazing he wrote to me in capital letters he has not had a single girlfriend since. Strange for someone so keen on sex.
His answers on this site are mainly about sex, but full of sense.
I am the one who should put more sense into my head.
I rushed head first into that new relationship on Marty telling me about a new girlfriend of his.
That's true he behaved nasty at that time, as a man cheating on his mate and angry at his doing it.
But I noticed it did not last for long and that by Xmas he was as nice as ever.
I couldn't believe it at first he was playing my requests on the radio while entertaining the party at Bo's which was not broadcasted on that special day.
I know now he did and Clare was not with him on these last days of December.
He was on his own as I thought the contrary.
Jealousy is a bad adviser.
My new friend, Milly in Sydney, versed in astrology advised yesterday to give Jesse the flick, quick.
She lay be right and can't help wondering if the latter is just interested in sexual chats while working.
He became a bit distant and stopped calling me "my love" when I ran away from these talks.
I won't give me his full name nor his private address.
I guess it is due the character of these relationships on the web.
You can't help being suspicious about the persons you deal with.
I have a great advantage with Marty, watching him thanks to the webcam and the chats we had together helped me understand him better. He is so much alike to Pierre !
But on bad days when he suddenly stops calling my name I can figure out all sorts of suspected things happening.
Pierre has never really been suspicious concerning Marty.
It is not the same with Jesse and I will have to be more careful avout what I do or say to him.
Oh, how I wish I never met Jesse !
I don't want to hurt him if all he says is true. He doesn't deserve it then.
I am fed up of living on a suspicious mind.

Australian Dream.

The Roses Have Faded.

I am more and more confused today.
Yes, the faded roses are in the dustbin. I thought it was like throwing our love away with them. I hated the idea but it was necessary you having found the right person with Clare, I had to come out of the game.
It hurt me after all that we shared together for months, happy together chatting.
Well, let put some sense into my brain: it had to happen and it did.
I hated you for not thanking me for the Xmas present.
Denise and Dan both did.
I said to myself you did not care. I suffered a lot.
Yesterday, I had the feeling I got to phone you. What a good idea I had !
First of all, you never got the parcel. Gosh, are you doomed or is it me when I want to give you something ?
I hope you will get it some other day and I am curious to know what you will do with the bracelet. Wear it or not ? This would be full of meaning.
Clare has given up her job in Tennant Creelk and is moving further away to Queensland.
What a pity ! I said I was sorry for you as you seemed to have found the right person.
You replied there are some other right persons around.
Did you mean me ? I guess so.
In fact, you played again with my feelings. Did you want to know my reaction ?
Nobody believed in that new love story of yours, not even Pierre.
I was the only one as usual to be fooled by you.
When connected later on you played "Love Generation" thanking Bob Sinclar for that song.
Yes, you wanted to tell once you still like it though playing it very often and you said: "I still love HER". What a lapsus ! Steve was with you at Bo's on that day.
Your voice was cheerful, but when I emailed you I was sorry for you, distances not helping things and reminding you of impossible love and unpredictable one, it became so sullen at once.
You ignored my requests and left all of a sudden not spending the usual hour with your listeners.
You turned the screen to me to show the computer was off.
I was meaning Clare but I think you were thinking of the both of us. You got the irony right.
A little revenge on my part.
Still, I was waiting for Jesse's first mail after you left Bo's.
I told him all about you and he replied you are doing your best avoiding me. That pleased him a lot, but he became distant not ready to answer as quickly as usual.
I guess, I bored him talking about you again.
He did not send me messages during the first half of the soccer match.
I rushed to the chocolate box which, I know, was a very bad idea !!!
Later on he told me again he desires so badly and he won't tell others about us for he wants to keep me all to himself.
He hurried wishing me a good night, but came back again when I told him the match was not over yet.
He wants me to be with him in my dreams as I am in his.
He speaks less of sex and I like it better this way.
I still feel the spell on me.
Well, Jesse is a man who is in need of affection and sex.
You are a boy, shy about sex, selfish and as a good Scorpio not allowing people to read too much into your mind. Keep all secret from me, Marty. I am tired of guessing.
The game is not over then. I don't know who is going to win in the end.
After all distances don't make things easy for you, for Jesse and for me !!!

Australian Dream.

Confusion.

Mary, but what are you doing ?
I let Jesse siren songs into my mind and it has become so strong a spell I can't get away from them.
I am your love, the one for you and in your mind we will be together. You speak of the past not destroying our future. All you say is true you insist.
My broken heart wants to believe you, but you seem to be such a dreamer !
For the first time I do feel like cheating on my husband and I am so ashamed of it. Laure disapproves of it too and calls me childish. She says she has to build up her own personality in parallel with my life and that things are not easy for her with an immature woman acting like a 15 year old girl.
Nothing the like with you, Marty !
You would never speak of love or let me know clearly you loved me.
Anyway I had to take it for granted you did. As I have to take for granted Pierre does.
What the use telling me ?
You both are here, two sensible men not too prone on romance.
One is earning a living for me. The other is calling my name and plays love songs full of meaning I am supposed to understand. Lately Marty chose "I want You" instead of "From Paris to Berlin" insisting twice last time on "I want you".
But you won't say much more about your life and I am supposed to acknowledge your love for Clare.
Nobody believes you have let me down for that other girl. Pierre shrugs his shoulders and smiles as if he finds me stupid to think it is true.
Jesse, too, says I am so much prettier than that girl and that I don't have to worry.
I must say you still act funny.
As the weather was so fine I said to myself "stop wasting your time with someone who has a new girlfriend" and I went twice sunbathing on the balcony instead.
I knew Saturday night would be a late party Bo's fully packed. So I stayed on the balcony relaxing and enjoying the sun on my body.
You spent over an hour before taking my first request, but afterwards you played so many of them, the songs with the most meaning.
Last Sunday, a very quiet night with almost nobody at the bar.
I connected an hour before you left telling you about the sunshine on the balcony. I sounded happy and I had reason for it remembering Jesse's last words for the week-end.
Wow, you ignored me !
I couldn't believe it when you said strangely you had no requests coming from the web !!!
Joking, kidding, or simply resenting the fact I had not been with you since the opening of the broadcast.
You had already done that especially during summer days when I left you to go down on the beach.
How can you be so possessive towards me especially having a new girlfriend ?
On Monday the weather turned grey and cold and I went to Bo's on the web ealier.
Mary, Mary,Mary... You joked playing "Love Generation" saying as I couldn't watch the tennis match, Pierre refusing to pay for it, you will play that one for me and that it wouldn't cost me a cent.
But I am still waiting for you to thank me for your Xmas present or to send me an e-mail answering my numerous questions.
Jesse is speaking less of sex by now.
He says we are mentally close and that the physical is just a plus.
He says we will be together as if he knew it all.
I am the perfect one and he doesn't want the past to destroy our future.
I told you, Jesse, of all the hurdles ahead: my age, my being married, my being so far from LA
It is as if they don't exist in your mind.
You love me and I am yours despite the circumstances.
We only met two weeks ago and it seems so unreal to me.
Should I put more sense into my head ?
How can a man say that to someone he doesn't know?
I still don't know much about you, Jesse.
You don't reply when I ask you about your life down in LA.
You don't give me your full name, nor your address, even your private email address.
I told you I can't send you pictures otherwise.
I ask for a picture of you but you didn't reply.
Sometimes I am wondering if you just like to talk to a woman leading her slowly into having sexual chats to arouse you sexually.
Confused I am, for sure.
I know my lady friends cannot understand me chatting with another man on the web. It scares them and they are no computer users either.
Gosh, God help me !
The roses have faded alright.
I have had to resolve putting them into the dustbin.
I did it last Sunday.

Australian Dream.

From Marty to Jesse.

That's the way I do by now.
When Bo's closes I wait patiently for Jesse's first mail as he cones to work.
I have to manage through the differents hours of the world. One goes to bed when the other one wakes up. I am stuck in the middle.
Not easy though communicating with Jesse as it is evening hours for me, time for dinner and TV watching along with my dear Laure's phone call.
Marty is nice considering I am a regular listener to be treated that way. He played three songs in a row for Mary who is listening over in France. But no answer to my questions and I feel sad when he leaves Bo's. Where are the times gone when he would wave his hand at the camera as if he wanted to take mine on saying good-bye...
Where are all those moments I cherished gone?
It is as if it was taken for granted he was with me in thoughts, without having the need to tell anymore. Doubts are gnawing at me so much.
I don't trust you Marty as I used to.
I listened to the songs you edited on going.
I am puzzled. They were rather sweet , less hard rocks as days ago.
It is almost as before, when you would stay listening to what you call "cheesy songs".
You edited songs I had requested during the party and ,again you played "You're Beautiful". That one had been our song for months in 2005 and ealy 2006. Then you stopped playing it to turn to "Love Generation" and "From Paris to Berlin".
Strange, now you chose "I Want You" by the same group instead, as a requested song for me.
I heard a new a song telling of roses and you wanted to play a song which is a favorite of yours before leaving. I listened carefully: " you're far away and I'd like you to come and cry out on my shoulder".
Well, Tennant Creek could be said to be far away from the Alice...
But , onthe other hand, I called you for help and you never answer my mails. Not a word concerning the Xmas present. Not a thank you.
Then, I consider I don't mean much to you by now.
Jesse scared me a bit again saying about his hard erectionof yesterday morning and how he would like me in his bed to satisfy me sexually. He added joking this time.
He knows he is scaring me. He is more cautious though and doesn't call me his love any longer. I am his dear Mary.
He said he wil be always there any time I want to speak. He said it was an honor for him to have me as a friend. He is suffering not having a woman by his side. he seems such a loving father and must have quite a hard time raising them alone.
He spoke of me to his kids, but no, Dear Jesse, this not a good idea to fancy the both of us bathing naked into the sea them watching.
I need your sweet words Jesse.They soothe my pain.
Of course, I will be with you again later on in the day.
The fade roses are still in the vase. I can't resolve on throwing them away.

Australian Dream.

From Alice Springs to Los Angeles.

Happy New Year!
New for sure with all that it means. A change in one's life. Happy,not really sure...
How can someone ruin someone else's day?
Pierre knows it for sure, and you too, my dear Scorpio.
I am standing at the crossing of paths.
I have rushed head first into a new relationship.
I regretted it as if I was cheating on you two. The b... fool I am even sent you a mail two days ago to let you know about it, for that Jesse is upsetting me.
I was in despair and still am.
You were nice on New Year's Day playing songs just for me and I could hear my name called more than once. You were adding some nice words too, but you never wished me a Happy New Year. You neither shouted Happy Birthday to me last November. Same as in 2005.
I feel rotten for I know Denise got her present nearly two weeks ago and she hurried thanking me. You should have got yours then. Same as Dan.
Usually, Dan would say thank you even twice or thrice, by means of an email and on the mike.
Well, he ,too, is silent this time.
It seems to me he has broken with his Mary. He no longer mention her, but, worse, he always plays a sad song as the last for the party: "Oh, lover, lover, why you do you treat me no good no more".
He even sings along with the song while drunk.
As for you, what could I say?
I went high again after this new day of 2007. I thought this Clare was wrong wanting to change your looks. You insisted so much on her not living with you and wanted to be sure I knew where Tennant Creek is.
It took us six hours to get to Alice Springs from there.
Well, we had a stop at Aileron for breakfast. But even so, it is not that close to the Alice and as I know now that you work at the casino when not working at Bo's, do you meet as often as you would too.
A blonde ? You have a crush for blondes then? I don't care...
If I feel so lousy these days, it is not entirely your fault.
The connection has been a complete failure since the beginning of the year. I can't hear what you say and I could have missed an oral message. Cheating on me perhaps !
You played a few songs dear to me as you know it.
"From Paris to Berlin" seems to have become our new anthem as it once was., along with "Love Generation". You even wear a scruffy beard and longer hair anew. If Clare could see that, she would not approve !!!
You told me you had a cold and appreciated my little piece of advice: lemon,honey, rum...
You said you were wondering what I was under telling about rum.
Well, in short, you were nice to me these last days, and it is the bad connection that made me feel lousy. I always suspected I had missed something important.
But, I can't be satisfied anymore. Satisfied, such a weak word to express how I feel !
I keep expecting you answering my numerous questions and hopes from your home and be part of your private life anew. In a sense I am, when you tell me about your new girlfriend on the phone. Don't expect me to phone each day if I want to get an answer from you.
You can say something when you get a Xmas present! I can watch a black square thing behind the screen. I have even asked you if it was not the box with the two CDs. No answer.
If you have got them, you are not wearing the bracelet.
This was something a bit intimate and I sent it as a test. The poor fool didn't know you had somebody new into your life.
In despair, I said to myself I had to find new friends to talk to on the web: people down in Australia I could share my experience with.
A lady from Bendigo got in touch with me. She is a big fat lady without the love of a man, for sure.
And, now, Jesse, you've come into my life and you are scaring me at times.
That's why I wanted to tell you about him, my Scruffy Beard.
If you don't read my mails as you said once, well, no worries for me. Funny, the connection was much better yesterday and I could listen to "Unfaithful" on the radio.
You stopped playing it ages ago. I had to get the words right to understand why I should not request that song any longer. A coincidence again ?
Well, Jesse contacted me on the web, or rather I picked up his email as he answered the question I had asked in this forum on Yahoo7.
This man has big problems of his own. He is a bit confused and high on sex matters.
He is raising his two kids alone and I guess it is not easy for him. An ex-GI who did the first war in Irak, he now works at LA airport on the security crew.
He left his ex-girlfriend for she was rebuking his sexual advances. Faithful to her, he says he was.
But he wrote on the forum he is sexually aroused more than four times a day and that the girl couldn't stand it any more. He said he even went to a doctor who said there was nothing wrong with it.
He says he misses the presence of a woman and that he would like to be loved for what he is. Who would not...
He scared me calling me his love. Hypnotized by my talks he would close his eyes and invision what I tell him.He would listened to me for hours with his love and affection.
He said I don't have to worry for he knew I am prettier than Clare. He knows it by the way I express myself.I am his beautiful,intellectual and sexy friend. He is happy having me as his friend and told his kids about me. I am not telling Pierre too much about him.
But he scared me again when he said he would like to bathe naked into the sea with me, his kids watching.
Apart from all the sweet things he says to me each day, I can help thinking he has big sexual problems.
He has not heard from his ex for years. He says she couldn't stand the burden of being a mother and wanted her freedom back. He is 36 and she,34.
At times, I think I should fly away from this relationship, but I need him so much when he says sweet words to me. He says I am perfect, stroking my poor ego. He keeps thanking me for what I say to him.What a change from you !
Acording to him, you are a lucky man and you are blowing off steam.You are not the only one. What should I say about my own husband ?
The latter left me in tears this morning.
When Bo's closes, Jesse arrives at work in LA and starts emailing me doing it as working.
That reminds me of happier days. Will I ever recover from the pain I feel now ? Tears are running on my face again.
I will keep on pretending later on not to scare you. I will play the regular listener,hoping the connection will allow me hearing if you say something for me on playing my requests, disappointed more than once, may be...
Jesse will try to soothe me. He doesn't mind my talking about you as long as I am with him on the web. I sent him a long mail he will get on resuming work. I told him about my bad experience this morning and my very poor unhappy sexual life. I have to tell someone to relieve the burden from my heart.
Finally we are two poor souls craving for love.
Now I fly to California after leaving Australia.