Australian Dream.

At a loss again.

I had a very bad Monday following a very bad week-end.
I waited and waited for a mail from Jesse, and all went worse when I found out he was in Q&A answering a question. I begged him over and over again to reply and give me an explantion. It was late in the evening that I got something, a mail in which he said he was still very sick, but moved into another department from which he could no longer have access to his mails, just able to use Q&A. He said afterwards that to answer me he was not married and I regain hope, calling me sikky for not having trust him.
Then on Tuesday he said he will try to send me something and did not want me to think he was avoiding me. I felt relieved, but waited for nothing till late at night.
Today I was thinking of my bad luck, that each time I have someone to chat with his work prevents him to carry on doing it after a few months.
I was still ready to wait for a mail at the usual time and nothing has come yet and it is time for the TV evening.
Doubts are invading me by now. It is funny his moving into another department comes as such a right time for him.
He had always called his ex a girlfriend and was not lying when saying he was not married. That doesn't prevent him from still living with her.
Then, he can put an end to our relationship smoothly guessing I will progressively stop sending him emails as he won't reply them. It is true, I just sent him two today and will just send him a last one before going to bed. And tomorrow ?
Funny enough, Martyis very nice and is playing my love songs as ever. He was moved when I requested Beautiful Stranger, telling he was a beautiful stranger for me. I don't know for today for I had to go to Pignan to say good-bye to my renter. You were off, Marty, when I came back. But since then, I can listen to all the love songs you edited before leaving and they even are old ones I had even forgotten. No more rocks as at a certain period of time. I could tell you before going how I appreciated you editing them yesterday and that it had been hard for me to escape from the computer. Did that please you ?
In a sense I was cheating on you. You have been nice with me till last Xmas, I must acknowledge. You even said two weeks ago: "as far as she is listening, it is OK", all in a sigh.
You may have a bad temper at times, but you are still there and you never told me lies.
So, it may be better if Jesse wants to put that end to the relationship. I will be free again during the evenings and when you will be gone after closing time, seeing go away I will know that I could leave waiting for anything and relax.
Jesse is still upsetting for all he had said. I can hardly admit a lan seeling so perfect could be fake in that way. It is not fair on his children he moves so much fancying such a story in which they are involved. I miss all the nice things he said and can't help it. That won't last being back with you in full, my Scruffy Beard, and don't worry there are more chance my coming back to the Alice and joining you at Bo's than my ever flying to LA.
Soon roses will be blooming again and you will have them next to your picture as last year. Spring is in the air !
I have got no news for my girl for a few days. She had to be hospitalized in Bogota due to a bacteria. I guess she is doing well in Carthagena and tomorrow she will be on St Andres Island for a few days before flying back to France. Enjoy these last days, my girl !
Well,it was a beautiful love story that one we had Jesse and I. I won't regret it even if I have to admit he was the best of all liars I have ever met. I will just have to put more sense into my head.
I am still at a loss today. Tomorrow will be better. I won't have to stay stuck as much as I am doing in front of the computer and relax more in front of the TV in the evenings
Marty, if you are missing me and ready to wait for me, it's OK for me too.