Australian Dream.

Happy Birthday !

Good days, bad days, more bad days at the moment.
Well, since you've been back from working at the casino, nothing's ever been the same.
I have to rely on your speaking on your mike to hear from you. And as you don't seem to pay attention to me... Well, well...
I was surprised on coming back from my competition day to see you at the console. It should have been Dan. And what a shock on learning you won't be back till next Friday.
I had so many hopes for tomorrow, my birthday !!!
I dare not think you swapped your work day in order not to be with me on that special occasion.
I had so many plans for tomorrow. I would have liked my daughter to request a song for me to let you remind that it was my birthday. Then I would have liked you to sing Happy Birthday to You with the beautiful voice of yours I love so much. Then, you may have played plenty of songs just for me on that day as you did on Pierre's birthday. Oh, what a beautiful day it would have been...
But, no. You won't be there as you were away on yours, another day of deceited hopes.
I don't want to read too much into things as you said I do. But it seems as if you don't want to feel obliged to me on that day, and being off is the best thing for you. Don't want to be bothered or fear of having to call my name again?
I will never know.
The gift I have sent to you never arrived in time for your birthday and seems completely lost by now. The post-office is not answering me.
I am not going to write anything to you as you said yesterday you don't read my mails. It hurt me and still does...
I finished reading that book about Alice Springs and realized how wrong I have been since our guide told us the story on the bus heading to the Alice.
The protagonists did not miss each other at Alice Springs airport as he said. The girl went to the Alice alright and the man was looking for her in England, but they finally got together in Cairns and got married. A happy ending then and not the bad one I thought it was. I should not have told you yesterday I knew too well how the story ends. That may have let you think wrongly about what I meant.
And the deception is greater for it was already my birthday when I sent you a mail telling how I was sad not to be with you on that special occasion. I hoped you would have said Happy Birthday as it is already tomorrow down in Australia. But no, not a kind word for me on leaving and no song for me either.
And to make that day sadder I heard this morning Jim died yesterday. He was in charge of the association in Bayside and was doing a terrific job. With his death I fear it might be the death of the asociation as well. Poor Jim, he drove us around Melbourne and took care of us last year.
Georges says I am the only one able to keep the association alive over here. Unfortunately, my capabilities are not taken into account here.
I can't go back to my friends' either. ted is in a nursing home now and Dawn left on her own. I have not heard from them since June. Dawn cannot handle the computer and it's no use waiting for a mail from her.
We had beautiful moments down there. We went on the Puffing Billy for a ride, to Philip Island to watch the pinguins back from their day at sea fishing. We visited the zoo. Ted drove us on the track the day following the Grand Prix. He took us us to the Royal Golf Course knowing we were golf players. They were so nice to us.
Then it was Sydney, the gardens all the way to the Opera before sailing on a boat in the bay of Sydney. A day in the Blue Mountains, another in Manly (your place). The zoo, the dinner in the Rocks. And off to Uluru the next day.
Uluru I would not think I would be going back again.
And the long trip to Alice Springs on one of Denise's buses.
Denise I was so happy to meet in Paris last year. It was another stay in Paris for my birthday and the joy to meet for the first time that nice lady I only knew on the web or on the phone.
We stayed a few days in Cairns going to the Daintree Forest and the Great Barrier Reef before spending a day in Kuranda. I loved Cairns and its surroundings and was pleased to go back there too this year. But, Alice Springs... I cried so much at the airport on my departure day as I did last May. The vast land of red ochre impressed me. I've got to go back.
But things seem so uneasy with you. I will be missing you all the times: that I don't want to believe but fate seems willing to hamper me in my endeavours.
I will try and try again till I die. But for what ? You are making me wonder if you don't have the idea of putting a brake to our relationship by now as if it does not amuse you any longer. The novelty is gone. You have taken a few steps ahead of me may be, and I am left way behind of you.
Will you ever turn your head back at me and decide to wait for me ?
I am too old and don't have much time left into my hands.
And tomorrow it is my Birthday and I won't be in your company...