That's life !

Long time since I wrote in this blog.
Months of doubts and of unanswered questions.
I tried to get to know if you had got my presents sent to you, Marty. No use !
You kept as if you were ignoring me, though at times I could guess you were replying me in some way. I was not sure you were wearing my bracelet. In fact you started wearing this black strap on your wrist precisely at the time you were supposed to have received my parcel. And when I didn't connect myself to your site as I usually did you took it off. When I did it the previous way you put it on again on the next day. How strange !
It is a year ago since you shouted my name for the last time. Something had you make up your mind to stop communicating as you used to. The boss may be. Or even Steve. I acted silly when this one did your job for a few days. I wanted to let him know I knew plenty about your and your family and this time he was not as friendly as previous. He just ignored me. He may not have appreciated your having told so much about your private life to a regular listener.
I had to be very careful into my e-mails knowing the boss was reading them all. I stopped confiding into you as Iused to, just giving you sports updates or weather forecasts ... Very frustrating indeed.
I started to do something new: watching you leave the venue on the camera of the dining-room. I noticed you had your bike kept inside. I teased you about your biker's equipment and you started making a show putting on your helmet and gloves. This made me laughed and I wrote it to you. And suddenly the bike disappeared from the place. No more show ! I guess the boss had something to do with it again. You even waved to camera once on closing the door. I am sure it was directed to me.
Well on last Valentine's Day you said the next week-end would your last. A big blow on my head.
In fact you stayed a bit longer for the new DJ was not ready to handle the computer on his own yet. The latter still has problems with the technology but, well, he is not doing too badly, entertaining a bit like you.
I hope you would say a word to me before leaving, but you didn't. On the very last day I phoned. You didn't hang up but said you couldn't hear a thing.
You lied ! On the two following days I phoned Krusty and Dan, and they both could hear me perfectly well. You said you had chosen "Soundz of Freedom " by Bob Sinclar as a farewell song.
Bob of course ! That was for me.
I chose "Wish You Well" by Bernard Fanning instead and you played it twice on that day. In fact you changed your mind following you I asked from you. It was your farewell song. You stopped a second staring at the camera on leaving the booth. Same thing on leaving the place.
You said you might be away just for a while and that you may drop in from time to time and you said "See you soon" thrice before leaving. That gave me hopes of seing you again one of these days, but these hopes are thinning fast by now.
Dan said you had left for Geraldton, WA. I heard you say you were to have a radio show. Something you had dreamt of for long. I know you had Steve doing tests twice to take your place. That didn't work and he worked for the local newspaper for a short while.
Geraldton is 400 Kms from Perth and your family. The land of your ancestors !
Neither Dan, nor Krusty could give me the name of the radio.
It took me a whole month of tracking you down before I found out you were on Spirit. A morning show from 6am to noon.
I could see a new picture of you and could see your face for the first time ! Lol !
You may not know I have finally found out all this. I won't let you know. I have already sent you e-mails to your private address. Of course, you never replied any and won't in the future. But I will do it again from time to time. I don't even know if your read them, but I want you to know I am sticking around.
Geraldton is a sea resort a bit like my own place. It is different from Alice Springs and more pleasant to live in. The town of the desert must be boring after a few years. Not much to do save working and meeting tourists !
You are closer to your family too.
And the hours suit you better. It was hard for you at times entertaining parties late into the morning hours. You told me how it took your energy away. You are over 40 now !
So there is little chance you will ever come back to the Alice one day.
Unfortunately your show is not broadcast on the web. It is the one by another presenter which is. No chance to hear your voice again. The hours are just the ones I am fast asleep here.
I am happy though with knowing where you are and what you do.
The strange thing is that my husband said that if he ever wanted to go back to Australia it would be touring WA ! We could even plan it for next year ! Should I be able to go to the radio station at the end of your show to surprise you ? My dream now.
For the present it is a trip to Canada and the Sates ahead for me. The idea doesn't bring me joy though. I miss you too much.
Kathy in Canada is no longer bothering me with her chats about Jesse. She said at times all was over with that one but keeps shouting she is in love with me on the site of Answers. My opinion is low on that one and I was so silly chatting with this bloke. It ruined my relationship with you Marty, that I know. You didn't appreciated my chatting with another man. You were jealous and it might have given you a bad idea of me. I was so much at a loss when you said you had that new girlfriend. I knew it wouldn't last and I am sure it didn't.
You made me jealous too hugging and kissing a girl a year ago. But I am sure you did it on purpose at the time you had taken your decision to put a break to our relatioship as it were.
I am selfish in some way. You know you don't have much to expect from me. I am married and you can't bring me the high standard of living I have. You changed too when you got the photo of Laure with Nadal. Pierre asked me if I wanted a divorce to go and live with you knowing the answer. I love him, but it is hard to stand his bouts of anger and his violence especially when he has drunk ! He is mentally confused at times and that scares me much. But you are both in my heart.
I just have to dry my tears which is hard at times when I am connected to the venue. I watch the door of the dining-room when the bar is closed and feel depressed. My love for you won't go away even if you did.
I just have to wait for what the future will bring me. In some way I am still confident even if it sounds silly.